At a noisy Colorado hair salon, I'm describing my adventure to my stylist.........
My wife and I had arrived in Hanoi, late. Exhausted, she fell asleep but I was hungry. Luckily, the hotel knew of some nearby restaurants still open. Before leaving, I double-checked my disabled IPhone to make absolutely sure my mapping position was being shown.
( This would be our first major foreign trip
without relying heavily on paper maps,
after a recent Costa Rican vacation where
I happily discovered that GPS functioned
flawlessly 'without cell' service )
I departed, without worrying whatsoever of becoming remotely lost even though Hanoi's map resembled an unsolvable jig saw puzzle. The places were too western, I wanted Vietnamese. Being only 11 PM, I began casually canvassing dozens of dimly lit alleys, narrow side streets, quiet dead ends and noisy, traffic packed boulevards. Hanoian's packed the sidewalk food vendors, squatting and eating. I wanted a menu, chair, table.
Aimlessly meandering another half hour, I began reconsidering the tantalizing street food, when this girl appeared. Innocently, she draped her arm around my waist and then whispered, "I give you the best bl0w job in Hanoi."
Overhearing this, the salon talk went dead silent!......
I'm stunned, excited, giddy and silent. This late twenties' a knock out; Jen Lopez face with a dancer's body. She's wearing hot pants that perfectly fit her flat belly and a tight tank top that enhances her busting out breasts.
Gently squeezing my butt, she smilingly says "only twenty dollar."
( Vietnam flashback, 40 years ago
something similar acquainted me to penicillin.)
She's relentless. Continually surveying, stroking my stomach and buttock areas. This terrific torture continues for a few blocks.
However, she stops after I mumble "too much, two dollars." She starts shouting and pleading with me, but I keep repeating "two dollars." People strolling by are oblivious to us. Finally, she responds with a wicked 'insulted look' and struts away. My high heeled Hanoi girl is gone.
My GPS is still marking and shows it's midnight. Within minutes, a guy approaches me, " looking for a girl?" I can't believe this! Everyone's now looking suspicious. 'It's because I'm alone,' I guess.
Luckily, I find a cafe and relax, watching the street traffic, enjoying several delicious egg rolls and beers, and studying my GPS, marveling at its worldwide accuracy and nighttime clarity. But also realizing, I'm farther away than I thought and with a route that's more complicated. 'This'll really test my new travel toy,' I ponder, sliding it into my shirt pocket.
Still savoring my late night find, I notice the dimly lit sidewalks are quieter, more deserted but with some activity, walking back to the hotel.
Suddenly, there's a tap on my shoulder.
It's Hanoi girl, stroking her black, waist length hair. In a flash, she's tightly hugging me and exploring my inner thighs, lovingly. Smiling, I hear "ok, I do you for two dollar." She's accepted my bluff and more determined. 'How am I getting out of this?' I think.
I'm no longer walking but wobbling because I need to pee, too. Making matters worse, her perfumed hand has slipped under my shirt, softly stroking my sensitive nipples. They're becoming very hard and she knows! I'm desperately searching for money in my sweat soaked pants, when this inexplicably, strange sensation stuns me.
Dumbfounded, I look down.
Slowly, her fingering is sliding my Iphone out of my shirt pocket. It's half way out and rubbing on my erect nipple.
Instinctively , I slap her wrist, really hard. The sound's so loud in the quiet street, that it startles us. She lets go, pushes me, runs and jumps on the back of a scooter, that's been following us, and zooms away, gone.
I 'm numb but lucky, without my toy, I'd be hopelessly lost and our vacation probably ruined. Checking my other pockets, where she'd been groping me, nothing else is missing.
2AM. I wake my wife and relate my Hanoi girl saga. "You're lucky, you didn't drop your pants and loose everything," she responses. I agree, but what an exciting 'feel job' I got for free!
story's over, salon's still silent..........
When without hesitation my stylist shouts,
"Girls, if my husband ever comes back from an Asian trip
and says he lost his toy, I'll know what really happened."
the salon silence, is gone too!