Psssssst Whitey!


Well....I've experienced some squalls in my life but nothing like the fortnight that i've just had. It all started just over a week ago when after work me and a friend decided to go for sushi. As the rain fell we ran into the restaurant and sat down, ordered something with salmon, rejected the chopsticks in favour of a knife and fork and gradually were surrounded by buckets to catch the drips from the leaky ceiling. The thunder got louder and the lighting got very very close with car alarms going off all over the shot, we decided to pay and leave.

As we headed to the door i thanked the chefs and waiters and the guy sitting by the door who looked like he worked there and as i stepped outside the loudest clap of thunder that i have ever heard vibrated through the floor. I ran back inside to where my friend was still standing and she said to me "aren't you gonna say hi to your big friend?" I looked around the place expecting to see a parent of one of the kids that i teach, or one of my boss's, maybe the guy that try's to sell me a bag 'o' juice at the traffic lights every day (these are my only friends). Not seeing anyone that i recognise i say what? Who? "Over there, its Sean Paul" Oh god... Sean (just gimmie the light) Paul was standing next to me, and worst of all i had just thanked him thinking that he was one of the chefs! After a small commotion involving a discussion about whether i should have my photo taken with him, i walk right up to where he is and his phone rings...it seems that now is not a good time.

On the way home the roads were getting worse. Jamaicans treat the rain like we would the snow. Everything is at a standstill so we decided to take a little detour in to the Haagen Daz store. While there my boss rings me to ask if i could pick him up a packet of cigarettes and to tell me not to go home because i can't get there. The roads have literally washed away and although Rob (the boss) lives just a few doors down from me the road to my house was impassable.

I'm not sure if i have ever described exactly where i live, but it is in the middle of no where. My apartment is on the top of a mountain with only one road in and out. This road is so poorly maintained and i'm not sure how i have come this far without bursting a tyre (touch wood). When it rains the water washes away any existing tarmac and leaves huge craters in the ground. Then when the rain is heavy enough these craters fill up to create what i like to think of as 'booby traps', Sail Jamaica bus sized booby traps! Driving to Rob's house was traumatic, almost driving off the edge of a cliff, having to get out in driving rain and lightning to move massive boulders so that i could pass i ended up just going for it, putting my foot down around the final bend and as i pull into the driveway i stop instantly. My front wheel was now stuck in a small crater, the rest of the bus completely blocking the whole road.

After a lot of revving i decided to give up and run inside, all the while splashing red mud all over myself. When Rob answered the door to me it must have looked like i'd been involved in some kind of slaughter. The storm carried on for the rest of the night, all the power had gone, so we just drank some red wine and bailed out the balcony until it was time to go to sleep.

The rain and storms carried on throughout the week as Tropical Storm Nicole passed over us. When i took my Monday class down to the yacht club the water was so filthy i decided that the classroom was probably the better option. The harbour was literally full of rubbish. Bamboo, logs, nappies, condoms, children's toys, a dead dog! Not to mention the 3 bodies that had been found washed up during that week, i wasn't willing to risk it.

On the Wednesday i decided that it had been long enough and suggested that we go out to a place called Fiction. This is night club owned by Usain Bolt. My only concern was that we would be the only white people in there and i've pretty much had my fill of standing out. When we arrived i was relieved to see that there were a lot of white people, chinese people, black people and generally good looking people in there, so i headed to the bar to get the drinks in. Several rum's later and an attempt at dancing like Beyonce i decided to take a look around. I walked in to the next room and came across another bar where there were a bunch of guys sitting down together. As i looked a bit closer it was only Sean (five million and forty..naughty..shorty) Paul again! Thats twice in one week...surely that makes us mates now right? I tried to act cool ordered a drink and went back inside the club, only to find my friend in the corner with some guy, and thats where she stayed until 5am, leaving me to fend for myself.

The next day was a little hazy and after getting home at 7am i slept right through until 4pm. What a waste of a day, well kind of. I decided to check my emails, sat down and turned my computer on, what the....?
The whole room shook! i felt like i was inside a washing machine, i jumped up thinking that there was something inside the sofa and then heard the guys downstairs shouting. It took me a while to register having just got up so i rang my yardie mate Dyran. Did you feel that?...Yeah he said it was an earthquake! Oh right excellent, so this week we have had serious floods, thunder and lightning, no power for days and now an earthquake. It apparently measured 5.4 on the richter scale but there was no serious damage. Anything else Jamaica?

I on the other hand am planning to attend a 24hr beach party on the north coast..maybe Sean Paul will be there.



C Wing

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